It’s been about five years that I’m going through this experience, life after divorce, and I’m trying to keep a journal at this point to keep track of all the terrible things that happen to me time after time. How many people do you know who, after divorce, are on a downhill fall and there is no end in sight?
Lately, I’m trying to make sense of the fact that it’s just too strange that I’m alone all the time. My children don’t want to visit, my relatives have drifted away after several years of me not taking them up on their invitations and returning their calls. Why not? I want to make them understand that I would much rather spend time with my children so I sit at home waiting for those kids of mine to call. Everyone keeps insisting that I can’t expect my children to care about whether I live or die. That’s just the way things are today.
And that’s exactly how things are.
But this is more than just being alone … this is solitary confinement or house arrest. Just having enough money to pay for necessities makes it necessary to stay home since I can’t find much but temp work and I keep insisting that it’s at the hands of those at the Courthouse who dealt with my Children’s Aid/divorce case. I firmly believe that they have, somehow, supernaturally, put me into solitary confinement or house arrest. I’m convinced everyone who I’ve dealt with has a Ouija board in their closet and is using it against me.
It’s just impossible that anyone can have all this bad luck, is always by herself and can’t find a soul to help her find her way. Yes, that’s just exactly how it is. Even if they do try to help, it gets me and them nowhere. It’s always a dead end.
This morning I decided to take my car into the neighborhood Canadian Tire Auto Mart to have a look at the brake light on my dashboard that keeps flickering on and off. Turns out to be a leak in the brake fluid and needs the brake pads replaced which will cost me about $800.
Will that be cash or charge? Charge, of course.
Can I really afford to keep this car? Doesn’t look like it.
Lately, I’m trying to make sense of the fact that it’s just too strange that I’m alone all the time. My children don’t want to visit, my relatives have drifted away after several years of me not taking them up on their invitations and returning their calls. Why not? I want to make them understand that I would much rather spend time with my children so I sit at home waiting for those kids of mine to call. Everyone keeps insisting that I can’t expect my children to care about whether I live or die. That’s just the way things are today.
And that’s exactly how things are.
But this is more than just being alone … this is solitary confinement or house arrest. Just having enough money to pay for necessities makes it necessary to stay home since I can’t find much but temp work and I keep insisting that it’s at the hands of those at the Courthouse who dealt with my Children’s Aid/divorce case. I firmly believe that they have, somehow, supernaturally, put me into solitary confinement or house arrest. I’m convinced everyone who I’ve dealt with has a Ouija board in their closet and is using it against me.
It’s just impossible that anyone can have all this bad luck, is always by herself and can’t find a soul to help her find her way. Yes, that’s just exactly how it is. Even if they do try to help, it gets me and them nowhere. It’s always a dead end.
This morning I decided to take my car into the neighborhood Canadian Tire Auto Mart to have a look at the brake light on my dashboard that keeps flickering on and off. Turns out to be a leak in the brake fluid and needs the brake pads replaced which will cost me about $800.
Will that be cash or charge? Charge, of course.
Can I really afford to keep this car? Doesn’t look like it.
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